(as much as you can love a void).
He let me fill him with all the parts of me
that I couldn't hold myself.
It's so much easier to love someone
who is more of a something,
nothing more than a reflection
of all he sees.
It's easier to love a projection of yourself.
I loved a Hollow man once
because I was
learning how to love myself.
I once loved a saturated man who
was full with himself.
He challenged me and forced me
to think thoughts an feel emotions
that I was afraid to think and feel.
(I had never been happier.)
He rejected my pleadings
to let me use him as a canvas
and made me feel all of myself
all of the time.
I fault him not for this.
I fault him for loving me
but
refusing to let me love him back.
My heart was filled to the brim,
and with nowhere left for my
affection to go
(pushing against the weight of his heart)
my heart overflowed
my heart flooded
my heart drowned.
I know not whether
I really loved him,
or if all I could feel in his presence
was the surplus of my devotion.
I once loved a saturated man.
He loved me when I couldn't love myself
but retracted when I needed him most
retreating to the shadows,
leaving my exposed and agoraphobic.
In an effort of self-preservation
I encased my heart in amber.
I didn't realize in doing so
that I would freeze myself in time.
I once loved a saturated man,
and my perfectly preserved heart
will never let me stop.